


allegiance

by TheQueenInTheNorth



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Past Brainwashing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:07:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24343264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheQueenInTheNorth/pseuds/TheQueenInTheNorth
Summary: Raina brings Kara back to Shield in hopes of them undoing Hydra's brainwashing.
Relationships: Kara Lynn Palamas/Raina
Comments: 12
Kudos: 9
Collections: AOS Season 7 Countdown





	allegiance

Raina sat by Kara’s bedside, waiting, hoping, watching the monitor tracking her heartbeat.

Simmons had told her it would take a long time until she woke up. She’d tried to send Raina to bed, even. She’d refused, of course.

She wanted to be there when Kara woke. Needed to be there.

She hated that they’d had to sedate her, hated that she’d let them do it.

Once Simmons had managed to break through Hydra’s conditioning - assuming the doctor was right about the success of whatever it was she’d done - Kara had gone into such a violent panic, they had seen no other choice.

They had refused to let Raina try and talk her down; they’d acted like she might make things worse. As if she hadn’t been the one to bring Kara to them. As if she hadn’t given up any future she might have by surrendering them both to Shield so Kara might recover her past.

The melancholy of all those memories just out of her reach had never left Kara, had always been there in her sad, beautiful, stormy eyes, even when she had smiled at Raina like she meant it, even when she’d leaned close and pulled her closer, when she swore it didn’t matter, and only convinced herself.

It had not been an easy choice. Maybe it would have been, if Raina were a better person. It had been so, so long since she had put someone else before herself, she’d barely remembered how.

But she had done it and now here she was, waiting for Kara to wake, waiting to see if her memories had been recovered. If those memories would mean she couldn’t bring herself to love Raina anymore. She’d meant it when she’d said it, or maybe Raina had been lying to herself in believing her.

Lies were second nature. Lies were all she’d had.

And then she’d had Kara.

Her hands clenched into fists in her lap, the sting of tears as unfamiliar as the overwhelming need to see Kara happy, even at the cost of Raina’s own happiness.

They could’ve escaped Hydra some other way, maybe, and built a life with the version of Kara that loved Raina, the version of Kara that might never laugh entirely freely.

They could have been content.

Kara deserved more than that.

More than Raina.

Kara had loved her anyway, their broken pieces fitting together in all the ways they shouldn’t. Raina could only pray it would be enough to make Kara still feel that way when she was whole again. There was a very real possibility all she’d see her for was an accessory to Hydra, and Raina would not be able to dispute that claim. She’d always given her allegiance where it served her best.

Kara might hate her. Raina wasn’t sure she could built her walls back up enough to bare it.

She reached out a shaking hand when Kara stirred, placing her hand atop hers.

Her eyes fluttered open slowly. They weren’t sad. They were confused.“Where am I?”

Her voice was hoarse and Raina thought she should offer her water but that would mean letting go of her hand. She was still selfish, under it all, so she didn’t.

“You’re safe,”Raina said. Just where they were wasn’t information she’d been given, though she could make some educated guesses.“You’re safe now, Kara.” She swallowed around the lump in her throat.“Do you feel alright?”

“I think so.” Kara’s eyes flicked to Raina’s hand on hers.“The battle - Hydra -” She frowned, tongue darting out to wet her lips, gaze flicking back to their hands.“Sorry, not to sound rude, but who are you?”

For a moment, Raina was frozen, her blood rushing so loudly she could not make out Kara’s next words, though her lips were moving.

She pulled back her hand, fighting the urge to just collapse, like a puppet with its strings cut. She’d barely been more than a puppet for years. Not until Kara.

She got up and smoothed out her dress. Flowers, of course, always flowers. She smiled, because she did that always, too.

“I’m no one,”she said. Her voice cracked and she smiled wider.“I think you might have some small memory gaps. I’ll fetch the doctor to have her explain.”

She turned to leave, the smile still in place, like it might stop the tears from falling, and only making them more noticable.

Kara was Kara again, and whoever had loved Raina was gone.

It wasn’t hatred, and that was something.

It felt like nothing.

It felt worse.


End file.
